LIVE from Doomshakalaka! The SoE Invitational Tag Team Tournament is ON THE AIR!

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[Cut back to ringside, where the wreckage has been cleared away, and a brand new announce table has now been set up. Behind it sit Brigham and Seth, wearing downright miffed expressions.]
Brigham Smith: Sorry about that delay, folks, but I think we're ready to continue. But before we do, I'd just like to say that all of us here in the Syndicate of EVIL STRONGLY denounce the heinous actions of Diablo just a few minutes ago. There is NEVER a justifiable reason for manhandling the ring announcer--
Seth Maverick: Even if she was being an obnoxious little gnat...
Brigham Smith: --Or literally hurling her out of the ring and through a table--
Seth Maverick: Although God knows we've all wanted to do it...
Brigham Smith: Seth!
Seth Maverick: [Shrugs]
Brigham Smith: Anyway, I want everyone to know that Misty WILL be okay, but she's been a bit shaken up as you can probably imagine. If you're listening, Diablo, we're all very ashamed of you -- and really I hope that you're ashamed of yourself.
[He shakes his head and scowls, wagging a finger at the camera in reprimand.]
Seth Maverick: Whew. You tell 'im, kid.
Brigham Smith: Sorry to go off like that, but there are some things you just don't DO. Ahem. Anyway, enough dawdling, right, Seth? Let's throw it to the ring!

[-FINAL ROUND-]
Jonny Catchphrase & Solomon Priest
-vs.-
Matt McClain & Diablo

[Cut to the ring, where the intrepid "Red Angel" is back at her post, though her hair and dress now have a slightly disheveled look, and she's sporting a large band-aid on her forehead. But she's a trooper, and so she forces a courageous grin and raises her mic.]
Misty Xiao: Ladies and gentlemen... welcome to the FINAL ROUND of the Syndicate of EVIL's Tag Team Tournament!!
[~RAAAAAAAAAAH!~]
Misty Xiao: The winner of THIS match will go on to tonight's main event -- the highly anticipated PRIZE FIGHT against my boys down there!
[She points toward Manifest Destiny seated behind the new broadcast table, which elicits a round of, well, let's face it, pretty impolite booing. Brigham and Seth frown and turn around to glare at the fans.]
Misty Xiao: HEY! Be nice! Jerks... ANYway! Let's get it on and bring out our FIRST FINALIST TEAM!
[The lights dim, as a heavy Synch laden sample cuts over the PA systems. Solomon's seen standing on the edge of the entrance ramp, with his head bowed, he slowly lifts it and keeps his sights fixated on the ring. With a steadfast approach he walks to the ring. No force can get between him and his destination. He doesn't acknowledge the stretched out hands to him or the cheers. Solomon just keeps on walking.]
Misty Xiao: Introducing first, he is the man with his own downtown, suburbs, and transit system... he is SOLOMON PRIEST!
[He stops at the ring, moving to the corner and enters the ring via the steal ramps lingering over the apron watching the crowd. With a look of disdain, he hesistates before stepping over the top ropes with his long legs. The music fades and he raises an arm to the air, to the mixed roar of the crowd.]
[Then...]
[A loud crackling comes over the speakers. It's distinctive because it's old, it's old because it's the greatest punk anthem of all time. As soon as the intro riff comes on the guy sitting next to you head begins to bop, your head begins to bop, the parents who brought their kids along heads begin to bop...I wanna be sedated, do you?]
[The video screen comes alive with archived footage of Jonny Catchphrase in his prime, devastating facial expressions, suicidal posturing and down right inspired shirts light it up as the man himself appears on the entrance ramp -- raising a taped hand in the air and giving off the 'bull horns' to a MASSIVE chant of JONNY, JONNY, JONNY.]
Misty Xiao: And his partner! JONNY, JONNY, JONNY... CATCHPHRASE!
[Catchphrase begins a slow descent down the ramp. His head still jolts up and down to the music. Then Jonny slides into the ring and presses himself up to his feet, shooting an acknowledging glance at Priest before heading over to his corner.]
Brigham Smith: I like this team's chances, Seth.
Seth Maverick: They're doing pretty okay, I guess. This Priest guy fucking kills me. 'Cuz he fucking kills OTHER people.
Brigham Smith: Indeed he does, and I should probably remark that there's no law against that here on the Independent Nation of Doomshakalaka -- though we do frown on it, because blood tends to stain. In any case, Solomon Priest is definitely a force to be reckoned with... and let's not forget Jonny Catchphrase, too, who's been showing the same drive and skill tonight that made him such a star in years past.
Seth Maverick: Yeah, yeah, whatever... What I'M curious to see is, what happens when Solomon Priest gets face-to-face with that fucking prick Diablo?
Brigham Smith: .........Jebus.
Seth Maverick: You're not kidding.
[As Jonny C and Priest discuss strategy in their corner, Misty continues...]
Misty Xiao: And their opponents -- FINALIST TEAM NUMBER TWO!
[The lights in the overhead rigging shut down, as bright flashes start to burst through out, acting as it were streaks of lighting. Soon, the sound of waves crashing along with the sound of thunder and howling winds fill the air. They are soon joined by the shrill of sirens echoing across the flight deck. Without warning, multi-colored lights start exploding from the rigging. Within a matter of seconds a massive explosion rips through out the entranceway leaving most of the fans breathless as a wall of fire reaches out to touch the sky. As the smoke and fire start to clear out, the fans can see that McClain's DoomTron video has come to life as his theme, a remix of One Step Closer, performed by Linkin Park, starts to rip though out the PA system.]
[He soon steps into the entranceway looking around the arena as a grin plays across his lips. As soon as the fans see him, they start to boo very loudly! He raises both arms high into the air as the crowd roars with disapproval!]
Misty Xiao: Here's the NON-total-jerk-loser member of The Nightmares! Ladies and gentlemen... "THE CRIPPLER" MATT McCLAIN!
[McClain makes the slow walk to the ring, and then slides in. He stretches his arms out high in the air as flash bulbs all over the stands pop with a bright white light. The lights start to come back up as he moves to stand in his corner, intently staring across at his opponents.]
Misty Xiao: And his TOTAL JERK LOSER partner...
[The lights cut out from the overhead rigging and come back up in dark blues, as the introduction to "Immortal" by Adema starts to play over the PA system.] LET'S FIGHT!!!!
[A massive figure is seen at the entryway, a figure belonging only to The Immortal One himself. Diablo faces forward, his ice-cold blue eyes staring straight ahead.]
Misty Xiao: [Bitterly hateful] Here's a STUPID, RETARDED, BIG DUMB JERK who doesn't even DESERVE to have his name announced! So suck on THAT, Diablo!
[Diablo walks down the aisle, the flames dying down as he passes them. Diablo approaches the ring, and steps up onto the mat. He steps over the top rope and enters the ring. He climbs up on the first turnbuckle to look upon the crowd, who boo him mostly, but some cheer as well. Diablo has a look of absolute confidence upon his face.]
[Diablo descends from the turnbuckle, and he approaches the center of the ring, giving a dirty look to Ash the Man-Soon, and cracking a smug grin at Misty Xiao, who glares and shakes her fist angrily. The music fades, and the lights turn back on to normal.]
Seth Maverick: Only my overriding sense of propriety is keeping me from getting in there and kicking his ass right now.
Brigham Smith: You're a model of self-restraint, Seth.
Seth Maverick: [Dryly] Oh yeah. 'S my defining characteristic.
Brigham Smith: Well, we're just about ready to start, here...
[As Diablo is turning to join Matt McClain, Misty Xiao suddenly darts in front of him, shouting loudly at him and gesturing furiously at the bandaged boo-boo on her face. Diablo stops and turns an utterly unimpressed glare down on the irate "Red Angel".]
Brigham Smith: ...Seems Misty doesn't exactly share your restraint, partner. Not that I can really blame her, though. I mean, being tossed out of the ring and through a table would get ME a bit miffed, too.
Seth Maverick: Shit, yeah. The asshole deserves everything the rat's giving him.
[Anger is visibly building in the face of "The Immortal One" as Misty continues to mouth off, and Diablo's hands are clenching and unclenching restlessly.]
Brigham Smith: That may be true, but I think she might be looking at another unscheduled flight if she isn't careful. ...Wait. The referee is now stepping between them, mercifully separating these two rivals before anything physical happens.
[Indeed, Ash the Man-Soon almost bodily wedges himself between Diablo and Misty. Since Misty is the lighter one, she's the one whom Ash pushes back with a gentle but firm warning. She acquiesces grudgingly, though she never takes her eyes off Diablo.]
[Then Ash whirls around and gets in Diablo's face himself, shaking a finger at him in stern reprimand.]
Brigham Smith: --And now Diablo's getting one HECKUVA tongue-lashing from the official! Good old Ash, standing up for his Asian Angel like the gentleman he is... though I DON'T think Diablo is exactly taking it to heart.
Seth Maverick: Didn't he see the cowboy fire a couple rounds into Solomon Priest's face? The guy's an idiot not to be scared.
Brigham Smith: Definitely no fear on the face of Diablo, but I think he's getting just a little ticked off--
[Abruptly Diablo lunges forward at Ash with violent intent. Ash, and Misty hiding behind him, yelp and bolt the other way just as quickly, both hurling themselves through the ring ropes to the outside in a mad bid to avoid getting creamed. Diablo leans over the ropes and glares down at them, as Misty and Ash toss warnings and insults up from the floor.]
Brigham Smith: Now THAT was uncalled-for, Seth. Who IS this Diablo guy to go after the referee like that?
Seth Maverick: No respect, I tell you. Fucking prick.
Brigham Smith: Indeed, and you get the impression that Diablo would be-- WHOA!
[Out of nowhere, Solomon Priest CAREENS into Diablo's back, knocking him over the top rope and sending him tumbling down to the floor as Ash the Man-Soon and Misty Xiao scatter out of the way. Diablo picks himself up almost instantly and shoots a LIVID look up at the giant black man standing at the ropes. Priest returns the look with an intense, narrow-eyed glare of his own.]
Brigham Smith: ...Wow. Those two haven't been around each other more than a minute or two, and ALREADY you can sense tension between them. Their eyes are LOCKED on each other.
Seth Maverick: I told you, didn't I? Shit's gonna blow up when they tangle in the ring, I guarantee. Brigham Smith. Whew, I think you're right on that.
[Keeping a safe distance from Diablo, Ash slips back into the ring and motions for Priest to return to his corner. Eventually the big man does, but not before giving Ash a dark look. Outside the ring, Diablo stalks over to his end of the ring and climbs up on the apron to stand in his corner.]
[Ding, ding, ding!]
Brigham Smith: In any case, this final match in the Syndicate of EVIL's exciting tag team tournament is finally underway, and we have Jonny Catchphrase starting off against Matt McClain. I'm thinking McClain will be the fresher man, as he's had much longer to rest since his last match than Catchphrase has had. But as I've said before, there's no discounting Jonny C's energy in the ring.
Seth Maverick: Yeah, but even a monumental high like Jonny's has got to come down sooner or later. And as for McClain -- well, this skidmark counts beating R.J. Harris as a career highlight. I think that pretty much says everything that needs to be said about him.
Brigham Smith: Expert analysis as always, Seth.
Seth Maverick: I try.
[Jonny C and McClain circle warily around the middle of the ring, watching each other for an opening. Then they come together at the same time, grappling hard for position. Jonny C wins the lockup and takes control with an armwrench, cranking on the shoulder of McClain. McClain does a forward roll in the direction of the torque and then gets back to his feet, with Catchphrase's arm now being twisted against the joint. McClain slips behind him with a hammerlock, then applies a rear waistlock -- but Jonny C breaks it and ducks under McClain's arm, and with a quick move takes him down with a hiptoss. In a show of impressive agility, McClain manages to land on his feet, and immediately whirls around and dashes at Catchphrase with a lariat -- but Jonny C ducks the arm again, reaching back to grab both arms, and pulls McClain down into a backslide. McClain rolls through it, though, and both men get back to their feet -- only for McClain to charge at Catchphrase and take him down with a textbook swinging neckbreaker.]
[McClain, back on his feet, stands by and gestures impatiently as Jonny C starts to get up again, holding his neck. The fans give them a short ovation for the wrestling display.]
Brigham Smith: NICE technical exchange there by these two men. They're so similar in size and style, you know that it's the skill factor that's going to win out, and I think they both have it in spades.
Seth Maverick: I think they both suck.
Brigham Smith: ...Well, er, that too, I guess. Both men locking up again, now...
[...And this time it's Matt McClain who wins the grapple, twisting Jonny C into an armwrench of his own. Before Catchphrase can counter it, though, McClain drives the point of his elbow into the shoulder joint, and again, and a third time. Cranking the arm hard against the joint, McClain tries to force Jonny C down to the mat with a Fujiwara armbar... but he only gets halfway before Catchphrase ducks low and turns inward, slipping an arm between McClain's legs and throwing him over with a fireman's carry. Both men rise again, and McClain darts in -- only for Catchphrase to armdrag him down again. But McClain holds onto his arm and immediately scissors it with his legs, trying to hyperextend the elbow in his grounded position as Jonny C stands stooped over him.]
Brigham Smith: Wow, McClain with some nimble moves here. Looks like he's targeting the arm of Jonny Catchphrase-- OH! But Catchphrase stomping on McClain's face, and that makes the "Crippler" release the cross armbreaker.
Seth Maverick: Now that's technical wrestling.
Brigham Smith: Certainly did the job, and Jonny C is shaking his arm a bit, trying to relieve some of the effects of McClain's attack.
[McClain gets back on his feet, and he quickly moves in on Catchphrase -- but Catchphrase lowers the shoulder and catches McClain with a surprise, high back body drop. McClain scrambles to get up again, but now it's Jonny C moving in with purpose. Leaping into the air, he connects with a dropkick squarely to the chest of Matt McClain, knocking him back into the ropes.]
Brigham Smith: Jonny C is taking control of things here, as he fixes his sights on Matt McClain... And Catchphrase rushing at him with a lariat! NO! McClain drops the shoulder -- throws Jonny C CLEAR over the top rope!
[~SMACK!~]
Seth Maverick: Ha! Ahahaha!
Brigham Smith: Catchphrase landing HARD on the floor on the outside! And McClain now gripping the top rope -- SLINGSHOTS HIMSELF OUT!
[~SMACK!~]
Seth Maverick: YEAH!
Brigham Smith: Jonny C JUST got out of the way! Matt McClain got NOTHING BUT FLOOR!
Seth Maverick: Man, bodies everywhere! I'm lovin' this!
Brigham Smith: These guys are throwing care to the wind early on, apparently! Jonny Catchphrase using the barricade for support as he picks himself up, Matt McClain a little slower in doing so... And don't look now, but Solomon Priest has just jumped down to the floor, and he's heading toward the others!
[As Priest rounds the corner of the ring, Jonny C grabs the just-rising Matt McClain by the hair. Catchphrase grabs McClain's arm, whips him toward Priest -- who heaves the "Crippler" into the air and--]
[~BANG!~]
[--flapjacks him facedown onto the ringsteps!]
Seth Maverick: NIIICE!
Brigham Smith: That's GOTTA hurt! Matt McClain writhing around on the floor, holding his face after that NASTY offense... And now Diablo is joining the party, too!
["The Immortal One" fairly runs around the ring with a sinister glare, coming up behind Jonny Catchphrase -- and CLOBBERING him with a lariat to the back of the head!]
Brigham Smith: OUCH! Brutal!
Seth Maverick: Okay, okay, I admit it... that ruled.
[But it doesn't stop there: Diablo stoops down, grabs Jonny C by the hair and tights, and RAMS him head-first into the barricade with ruthless aggression. Even as Catchphrase starts to flop down to the floor, Diablo picks him up again, heaves him up into an overhead press... and veritably HURLS him between the ropes and back into the ring, where Jonny C rolls a few times before coming to rest.]
Brigham Smith: ...Wow. You can't help but marvel at the sheer power of this guy, Seth.
Seth Maverick: Oh sure, the jackass is helluva strong son of a bitch. No disputing that.
Brigham Smith: Diablo now turning to see where his tag team partner has gotten to, and--
[Suddenly, Diablo's gaze is locked on the imposing figure of Solomon Priest, standing by the ringsteps and staring right back.]
Brigham Smith: ...Man. You can SEE these men just sizing each other up, Seth. And in both cases, that is a LOT of size to size up.
Seth Maverick: I'm telling you, they're generating their own gravitational field here. Sooner or later it's gonna pull 'em together, and that is a collision I HAVE to see.
Brigham Smith: That's the truth -- but for now it looks like they're slowly heading back to their respective corners, though never breaking their gaze on each other. Meanwhile, Matt McClain is now pulling himself back into the ring, looking slightly out of it... I think that slam on the ringsteps might've really rung his bell.
Seth Maverick: No shit.
[In the ring, Jonny Catchphrase is up and moves to intercept McClain before the "Crippler" can get to his feet. Jonny C quickly pulls him upright, goes behind with a rear waistlock, and throws him up and back in a high-angle German suplex, bridging for the pin!]
1...
Brigham Smith: NO such luck! Diablo charging into the ring and stomping HARD on the arched midsection of Jonny Catchphrase!
[Jonny C releases the bridge and flops over to the side, clutching at his abdomen. Diablo closes his fingers on Catchphrase's hair and hauls him upright, nailing him with a couple of VIOLENT closed fists to the face. Staggered, Jonny C is unresisting as Diablo grabs him in a side waistlock, lifts him up -- and CRACKS him across the knee with a VICIOUS backbreaker.]
Seth Maverick: Did I hear a snap?
Brigham Smith: I wouldn't be the least bit surprised! Jonny C is NOT looking good after that, and Solomon Priest is now stepping through the ropes to help his partner-- NO! Matt McClain is up and he TACKLES Priest midway through the ropes, knocking him down to the outside!
[Turning back to the ring, McClain nods as Diablo gives him a signal of some kind. McClain brings the ailing Catchphrase to his feet and puts him in a front facelock, while Diablo runs into the ropes. McClain lifts Jonny C up in a vertical suplex -- and at the same time, Diablo charges in and NAILS the upside-down Jonny C in the stomach with a hooking lariat, driving C down into the mat with MASSIVE impact!]
Brigham Smith: PUNISHING tag team offense right there, Seth!
Seth Maverick: That's what I like to see!
Brigham Smith: And Diablo heads back to his corner as McClain floats over into a pinhold...
1...
2--
Brigham Smith: Kickout by Jonny Catchphrase. McClain quickly drags him upright again, leads him over to the Nightmares' corner... and there's the tag to Diablo.
[No sooner does Diablo step over the ropes, than he shoves Jonny Catchphrase against the turnbuckles and begins to PUMMEL him with hard shots to the head and upper body. Ash the Man-Soon interjects, issuing a stern 5-count for "The Immortal One" to let Jonny C out of the corner. At roughly 4.9996, Diablo finally stops punching and instead grabs Catchphrase around the waist -- and LAUNCHES him with an overhead belly-to-belly suplex!]
Brigham Smith: JEBUS! Diablo sending Jonny C practically three-quarters of the way across the ring with that!
Seth Maverick: Not the whole way? What a wimp.
Brigham Smith: ...Yeah, right. Catchphrase landing HARD on his back, and you can see by the look on his face that he's in some REAL pain here. Jonny C rolls over onto his front side, reaching out desperately toward his corner for the tag... OH! STOPPED by Diablo, who drops a knee RIGHT to the already damaged spine of Jonny Catchphrase! And he keeps him pinned with that knee, while he clasps his hands under Jonny's chin and wrenches back in a kind of modified camel clutch!
Seth Maverick: Is there any rule against decapitation in this match?
Brigham Smith: Good question, Seth. I guess that's up to the referee's discretion.
[Ash the Man-Soon, the referee in question, is crouched down by the two men, watching Jonny Catchphrase's excruciating expression with a look of amusement.]
Brigham Smith: ...Somehow I don't think it'd be penalized.
Seth Maverick: Sweet!
Brigham Smith: But Solomon Priest doesn't seem to want to wait for that to happen -- the big man is once again starting to step over the ropes, intent on making the save for his partner...
[Seeing Priest prowling toward him, Diablo releases his hold and roughly picks Jonny Catchphrase off the canvas, wearing an insufferable smirk. Priest fixes a loathsome glare on Diablo, but steps back onto the apron. Diablo, plainly enjoying himself, turns and shoots Jonny C into the far ropes, and goes into a ready position.]
Brigham Smith: Jonny C on the rebound, Diablo heaves him up-- SPINEBUSTER--NO! Jonny counters with a MID-AIR DROPKICK to the face that sends Diablo down on his backside! I don't think Diablo saw THAT coming!
Seth Maverick: Shit, Catchphrase ain't dead?
Brigham Smith: No sir, and this could be his second chance!
[Painfully, Jonny C gets back on his feet as Diablo picks himself up. Catchphrase tries to dart past Diablo and lunge for Solomon Priest's outstretched hand -- but he's stopped short by an UGLY straight punch to the face by Diablo that sends him stumbling backward. Scowling, Diablo hoofs Catchphrase DEEP in the midsection, doubling him over, and pulls him into a standing headscissors.]
Brigham Smith: Diablo flips Jonny C up -- powerbomb time! NO! Jonny fights back! Stinging shots to the face of Diablo, stunning the giant from the Gulf of Mexico! And--
[~WHAM!~]
[~RAAAAAAAAAAHH!~]
Brigham Smith: HURRICANRANA! Jonny Catchphrase hits a MAJOR countermove right there! Diablo is down, and Catchphrase scrambles for his corner!
[~"HE'S GONNA MAKE IT" POP!~]
Brigham Smith: NO!
[~"DAMN IT" GROAN!~]
Brigham Smith: Matt McClain got in there like a SHOT! CHOPPED him down with a lariat to the back of the head! And he lays in stomps to the head of the fallen Jonny Catchphrase for good measure!
Seth Maverick: I am enjoying this WAY too much to be healthy.
Brigham Smith: Yeah, well, I can pretty much guarantee that Jonny C isn't!
[Having stopped -- and stomped -- Catchphrase cold, McClain picks him up by the hair and quickly leads him back to the Nightmares' corner, where Diablo tags out. McClain shoves Catchphrase against the turnbuckles, rams his elbow into the face once or twice. Then he drapes Jonny's arm over the top rope and pulls his hand between the ropes; bracing a foot against Jonny C's midsection, McClain wrenches HARD on the wrist, using the rope to inflict more pain on the arm and shoulder.]
Brigham Smith: McClain again going to the arm, no doubt trying to wear Jonny Catchphrase down for the Breaking Point. This is excellent strategy by the "Crippler".
Seth Maverick: I want to know who he crippled to earn that name. And I want to know why he didn't do it to R.J. Harris.
Brigham Smith: He could be on the way to doing it to Jonny C, Seth.
Seth Maverick: That'd work.
Brigham Smith: In any case, McClain is finally letting up on the arm, and Catchphrase is hugging his injured limb to him in obvious pain... and McClain now taking him in a front facelock -- lifts Jonny up onto the top turnbuckle! I think McClain has something high-impact in mind!
[Setting up Jonny on the top rope, McClain climbs up to the top with him and sets up for a superplex -- but Catchphrase fights it, driving closed fists into the midsection of McClain, then ramming his forearm into the face until McClain lets go of him. With McClain hunched over, holding his face, Jonny C stands upright, kicks at Diablo to knock him away, then grabs McClain around the waist and--]
[~WHAM!~]
[~"HOLY CRAP THAT HADDA HURT" POP!~]
Seth Maverick: YEAH!
Brigham Smith: SUNSET FLIP POWERBOMB by Jonny Catchphrase from the top rope to the canvas! GREAT counter! McClain is FLAT on his back! But can Jonny C capitalize?
Seth Maverick: I don't know, man -- he's looking pretty busted up himself.
Brigham Smith: That he is, partner... BOTH men are down momentarily, with McClain having gotten the worst of that -- but Catchphrase has been in there a long time, and he HAS to be feeling fatigued! Wait -- Catchphrase picking himself up -- he starts to make his frantic way toward Priest! But McClain's grabbed his foot! Catchphrase hopping up and down on one foot as McClain painfully gets to his feet, holding onto the leg of his opponent--
[~THWACK!~]
[~"THAT'S GOTTA BE A HOME RUN" POP!~]
Brigham Smith: --And Jonny just about takes McClain's HEAD OFF with a KILLER ENZUIGIRI! McClain flops to the canvas -- and Catchphrase throws himself into his corner!
[~HOT TAG MEGAPOP!~]
Brigham Smith: TAG TO SOLOMON PRIEST! Priest shoots into the ring -- FLATTENS McClain with a running forearm just as the "Crippler" gets to his feet! Solomon muscling McClain off the mat again... and then he scoops him up onto his shoulder! Runs into a neutral corner--
[~CLANK!~]
Seth Maverick: Ohhh yeah!
Brigham Smith: SNAKE EYES onto the top turnbuckle! McClain stumbles back out of the corner, hands clasped to his face... Priest lowers the shoulder and boosts him up! OOHH! PLANTS him with one HECK of a Samoan Drop! Solomon Priest is ON FIRE! And there's the cover!
1...
2...
Brigham Smith: Shoulder up by Matt McClain! Diablo was in the process of leaving his corner to make the save, too, and now these two behemoths are staring off AGAIN!
Seth Maverick: Tick, tick, tick goes the time bomb, kid. This tension's gonna blow up sooner than later.
Brigham Smith: That's the truth, Seth... Diablo slipping back out to the apron, but the eyes of both these men are still locked on each other as Priest hauls McClain off the mat...
[Breaking his gaze for a moment, Solomon looks down and holds McClain's arm away from his body, leaving an opening so he can RAM a massive knee into the "Crippler"'s midsection. Then he does it again, this time punishing the ribs. And again. And AGAIN -- and by this point McClain is choking and gasping for breath. Smirking at this, Priest wraps his arms around McClain's ribcage, lifts him off his feet, and squeezes mightily.]
Brigham Smith: Oh man, an absolutely CRUSHING bearhug by the seven-five Solomon Priest. I have NO idea how Matt McClain can escape this, because when Priest gets hold of something, he does NOT let go until he wants to!
Seth Maverick: All I can say is, I hope McClain made a bathroom trip before the match. Otherwise Priest could literally be squeezing the shit out of him.
Brigham Smith: ...
Seth Maverick: ...?
Brigham Smith: ...Nice, Seth.
Seth Maverick: Thank you.
Brigham Smith: ANYway... this is definitely NOT a good place for McClain to be right now. Ash is hovering nearby, watching for the submission... You can already see Matt's face turning blue as his very LIFE is being crushed out of him by the massive arms of Solomon Priest... and yet McClain is still struggling desperately in that grip, trying to find SOME means of escape!
Seth Maverick: Pssh. Yeah, right. I predict there's gonna be McClain juice all over the ring in a second. Brigham Smith. ...Just... wow, Seth.
[Fading, McClain goes for broke, raking the eyes of Solomon Priest. This stuns the giant for a second, and then McClain is thrashing with his foot, kicking purposefully until he manages to strike Priest in the knee--]
[--which makes Solomon stumble with a grunt of pain.]
Brigham Smith: GOOD tactic by McClain! Priest's knee took a beating in the semis, and McClain had to have seen it! Matt kicks at it again, and again -- and the knee COLLAPSES! Priest DOWN on one knee, dropping McClain in the process!
[Matt McClain takes a second to recover from the painful compression of his ribs, sucks in a long breath, hugging his sides. Solomon Priest braces a hand on his bent knee and starts to force himself upright again... but he only gets halfway before McClain nails him in the injured knee with a low dropkick, knocking the leg out from under him, and sending the monster facedown to the canvas!]
Brigham Smith: Priest is DOWN! McClain succeeding in felling the behemoth! He goes over to the leg, picks it up... and SLAMS the knee down into the mat! More damage done to the leg! And Solomon Priest is now fully in Matt McClain's realm, because McClain is in his element when the match goes to the canvas!
[Still holding onto the leg, McClain tries to scissor it for a kneebar -- but Priest flops over onto his back and kicks wildly with his free foot, pushing McClain away. With that moment of separation, Solomon Priest picks himself up, though visibly favoring his weakened knee. McClain moves in again, battering him with stiff closed fists to the head which seem to stun the giant.]
Brigham Smith: He couldn't get the leglock on, but McClain is still evidently in control of things here. McClain takes him by the arm, and there's a HEFTY whip into the ropes-- NO! Priest reverses it! McClain into the ropes, the rebound -- Priest heaves him WAY overhead!! And--
[~WHAM!!~]
Seth Maverick: HOLY SHIT!
Brigham Smith: DEVASTATING POWERSLAM! McClain practically driven THROUGH the ring with that one! Priest quickly goes and tags Jonny Catchphrase, who leaps up to the top rope -- GOES FOR THE MOONSAULT!
[~"HIGH SPOTS RULE" POP!~]
Brigham Smith: --And LANDS IT! He stays on for the pin!
1...
2...
Brigham Smith: BROKEN UP by an elbowdrop from Diablo! A quick save by "The Immortal One" is probably all that saved McClain just now! And Catchphrase is REALLY miffed here, Seth -- he jumps right up and gets in Diablo's face!
Seth Maverick: Should we vacate the table now, or try and catch him?
Brigham Smith: Diablo looking none too impressed by Jonny Catchphrase... OH! He just MASHES Jonny C in the face with one big paw, shoving him down! Talk about disrespect!
Seth Maverick: Eh, it's nothing I wouldn't've done.
Brigham Smith: Diablo apparently washing his hands of Jonny C now, as he turns around and steps over the ropes again... Wait! Catchphrase pops back up -- dashes in--
[~"TAKE THAT, HEEL" CHEER!~]
Brigham Smith: DROPKICK to the back of Diablo as he's straddling the ropes! Diablo tumbles ALL the way to the floor with a smack! And Jonny Catchphrase taking a second to survey the fallen form of Diablo with a smirk of satisfaction!
Seth Maverick: Cocky bastard. I'm starting to like him.
Brigham Smith: He's certainly got the fans behind him, Seth. Jonny turns back to the match and-- OOHH!
[~"WHERE DID THAT COME FROM" ROAR!~]
Brigham Smith: McCLAIN TAKES HIM DOWN IN THE BREAKING POINT! He's got the crippler crossface CINCHED IN! That's gonna do it for Jonny Catchphrase-- NO!! Solomon Priest in the ring! DROPS a vicious elbow across the head of Matt McClain to break it up! Oh, that was CLOSE!
Seth Maverick: The man takes and the man dishes out. Gotta respect that.
Brigham Smith: And he looks like he has a lot MORE to dish out as he hauls McClain to his feet -- front facelock -- PLANTS him with a SPIKING DDT!! My GOSH that was nasty! Priest now drags Catchphrase on top of McClain for the cover!
1...
2...
Brigham Smith: Hey!
Seth Maverick: What the fuck?
Brigham Smith: Diablo just reached into the ring and dragged Ash out before he could count the three!
Seth Maverick: Now that's TOTALLY outta line.
[Thrashing about to get his bearings on the outside, Ash the Man-Soon comes face-to-chin with the imposing, and VERY ill-tempered, man who'd pulled him from the ring. This is too much for Ash to tolerate -- he shouts and gesticulates furiously at Diablo, who barks back at him with a glare.]
[Suddenly, Ash's hands go to his gunbelt.]
Brigham Smith: Ohhhh, this has gone WAY wrong.
Seth Maverick: Give it to 'im, cowboy! The big fucker deserves it!
[But before Ash can draw out one of his silver revolvers, Diablo lashes out at him with a big mitt -- a blow which Ash barely dodges with a yelp.]
Brigham Smith: How DARE he try to attack the referee?
Seth Maverick: Yeah, well, now he's gotta contend with the referee AND the ring announcer!
Brigham Smith: Oh, good grief...
[That's right -- the "Red Angel" herself has jumped out of her seat and stormed around the ring. Shouldering past Ash, she looks up and exclaims angrily at Diablo.]
Brigham Smith: Yikes, Misty's just HANDING him a piece of her mind here, Seth.
Seth Maverick: How much does she have to spare?
Brigham Smith: That's beside the point, I think -- but Diablo has DEFINITELY not made friends of any of the ring crew tonight, that's for-- OH NO!
[~"TELL ME HE DID NOT DO THAT" ROAR!~]
Brigham Smith: Diablo's got them both by the throat! DARN it! This is BAD!
Seth Maverick: [Standing up] Okay, this bitch is on.
[And then...]
Voice: ExCUSE me... hold it RIGHT there...
[And all eyes are drawn, almost instantly, to the entranceway -- where the master of ceremonies, Mr. PB, has now appeared with a mic in his hand and a look (if a paper bag mask can have a look) of sheer fury.]
PB: Before you do something positively CLEVER and chokeslam my ring crew, Mr. Mandrake... I would just like to REMIND you that our senior referee, Ash the Man-Soon -- the one in your LEFT hand, I believe -- has been instructed to punish ALL infractions of the rules in the STRICTEST possible manner. And the most SACRED rule here on Doomshakalaka is: you never, EVER put your hands on the designated officials!
[Diablo retorts something in the direction of the ramp, but he doesn't release his grip on Misty and Ash.]
PB: Oh, I KNOW you heard me, you giant lummox. Let me put it in words you will perhaps have an easier time understanding. Step away from Miss Xiao and Mr. the Man-Soon immediately -- and if you step out of line again even a LITTLE, you and your hapless partner will be eating DISQUALIFICATION GOULASH all the way back to wherever the bloody hell you came from!
[Turmoil is evident on Diablo's face -- caught between an overwhelming desire to squash the two SoE members taunting and smirking at him, and the threat of losing his team's chance to win a World Tag Team Title shot.]
[The prize wins out. He lets go of Misty and Ash -- who both reprimand him verbally as soon as they can suck in breath. Diablo clenches and unclenches his hands with forced restraint. Up on the stage, PB nods grimly and takes his leave.]
Brigham Smith: Tough measures reinforced by Mr. PB just now, but with a loose cannon like Diablo around, sometimes you have to crack the whip a little.
Seth Maverick: [Slowly sitting down, seething] Fuck. Diablo got off easy. I was THIS close to caving his face in.
Brigham Smith: Save it for the Prize Fight, partner.
Seth Maverick: IF he gets there. If not, I'm in there as soon as the fucking bell rings.
Brigham Smith: In any case, Diablo is stalking back toward his corner of the ring, and Ash is now sliding in under the bottom rope, as Misty goes back to her seat... And in the ring, meanwhile, Jonny Catchphrase and Matt McClain have both had a chance to catch a breather. Both men are back up again... and the fists are flying!
[Catchphrase throws the first one, smacking McClain in the side of his battered head. McClain staggers back -- but then returns with a right hand of his own. Catchphrase reels, McClain throws another right -- but Jonny blocks it, drives a knee into the abdomen of Matt McClain, follows up with a--]
[~SMACK!~]
[~WHOO!~]
[--knife-edge chop to the chest! And a second! And a third! Each successive chop backing McClain closer to the side of the ring!]
Brigham Smith: Catchphrase has McClain on the ropes here, and he goes for the whip to the opposite side. McClain rebounds, Catchphrase charges at him-- OOHH!
[~"DAYUMN THAT LOOKED BAD" GROAN!~]
Seth Maverick: Shee-it!
Brigham Smith: DOUBLE CROSS-BODY PRESS! Both men had the same idea, and they just SMACKED into each other in mid-air like two beef carcasses! McClain and Catchphrase are both DOWN!
[Ash looks down at the two huddled bodies on the canvas with an expression he might use looking at a car accident. After a moment, he holds up both hands and shouts: ONE!]
Brigham Smith: The referee has started a count on those two men, Seth. An impact like that, as we both know, can DEFINITELY take it out of you.
[TWO!]
Seth Maverick: Oh, sure. I mean, you use your own body as a weapon in this sport. There's always pain that goes with it. But when the other guy's doing the same shit as you are, at the same time, that NEVER goes well for either one of you.
[THREE!]
Brigham Smith: That's the truth... The partners of both these men are leaning over the ropes now, beckoning feverishly for the tag... McClain and Catchphrase have not yet moved from where they landed!
[FOUR!]
Brigham Smith: It'd certainly be anticlimactic if BOTH finalist teams got counted out here...
Seth Maverick: Yeah, but it'd save us some effort later on.
[FIVE!]
Brigham Smith: ...You know, it would, too. But NOW there's movement in the ring! Matt McClain starting to crawl toward Diablo... Jonny Catchphrase dragging himself toward Solomon Priest! We have a race on our hands!
Seth Maverick: Ooh. How dramatic.
Brigham Smith: Jonny's in his corner first! He reaches ouuuuuut--
[~HOT TAG CHEER!~]
Brigham Smith: TAGS TO PRIEST! And in the other corner McClain swats his arm--
[~HOT TAG CHEER REDUX!~]
Brigham Smith: AND TAGS TO DIABLO!
Seth Maverick: Hahahaha, OKAY! HERE WE GO!
[At one end of the ring, Solomon Priest steps over the top rope with slow deliberation. At the other end, Diablo does the same. Both men approach the middle of the ring, the air between them almost SIZZLING. Standing to one side, Ash the Man-Soon -- who is no small man himself -- practically looks like a child compared to the giants now occupying the ring.]
[~RISING MURMUR OF ANTICIPATION...~]
Brigham Smith: Here we go, INDEED... And let's put this in its proper perspective, folks! BOTH these men stand over seven feet tall! BOTH men weigh over 400 pounds! These are MAMMOTHS who are about to lock horns here! But just as they've been doing practically since the match began, they're locked in a HEATED staredown, trying to get in each other's heads!
Seth Maverick: Those are big-ass heads to try to get into, kid...
[Meeting in the center of the ring, Priest and Diablo simply stand there and stare, eyes locked. Dueling chants are audible in the crowd -- fans cheering their support for one man or the other.]
[After a long, long moment, Diablo raises one hand palm-up, curls his fingers, sneers, and says: "Bring it."]
[Priest rears back and delivers a THUNDEROUS right hand to the jaw.]
[Diablo's head snaps to one side. He blinks, shakes his head a little, surprised by the force of the blow. Then he returns the shot with a FIERCE one of his own.]
[And Priest's head twitches to one side. Slowly he faces forward again... and grins.]
[And then the two of them lock up, roughly shoving and pushing at each other like animals, jockeying forth and back for position. Ash the Man-Soon wisely stands WELL back, as 800-plus pounds of snarling, grappling wrestlers jerk one way, then another, pushing up against the ropes and careening away again.]
Brigham Smith: This is an honest-to-God clash of the titans, Seth. I don't know any other way to describe it!
Seth Maverick: Reminds me of a Godzilla movie, sort of. Minus the wires and model tanks.
Brigham Smith: Good call!
[Working their way back to the middle of the ring, Diablo and Priest violently shove each other away, breaking the grapple. Both men shake some strain out of their arms, still locked in a staredown. Then they come together again. It's a stalemate like before -- until Diablo drives his knee up into the abdomen of Solomon Priest. Priest grunts, halted for a second, and Diablo takes advantage with an elbowsmash right to the temple. Taking Priest by the arm, Diablo whips him to the ropes -- but Solomon reverses it, sending Diablo to the ropes instead. Diablo rebounds, Priest catches him in a side waistlock -- and DRIVES all 400+ pounds down with a SHUDDERING sidewalk slam! Diablo actually groans and arches his back at the impact of the move.]
Brigham Smith: Good GRIEF! The FLOOR shook!
Seth Maverick: Insane!
[Before Diablo can pick himself up, Priest leaps -- and drops a BIG leg across the head! Diablo reacts as if he's had a cinderblock dropped on his skull, which is to say, he goes into some scary, twitchy convulsions.]
Brigham Smith: Wow... the POWER...
Seth Maverick: No shit. On top of which, when you're as big as Diablo is, you're just not USED to getting attacked with that much force. Looks like he's found a nemesis in the form of this bad muthafucka right here, one Solomon Priest!
Brigham Smith: How do people GET this big?!
Seth Maverick: Three words, kid: Bovine Growth Hormone.
Brigham Smith: ...What?
Seth Maverick: Dairy milk is full of that shit. Does a body good, eh?
Brigham Smith: You've turned me off of milk forever. Thank you so much.
[Not going for the pin, Solomon Priest instead takes Diablo by the hair and brings him to his feet again. Priest applies a front facelock, grabs a handful of waistband and lifts him UP for a brainbuster -- but Diablo kicks his legs, shifts his weight and drops to his feet behind Priest. Diablo nails him in the back of the neck with an elbow, then locks on a rear waistlock, and tries for a German suplex -- but Solomon throws an elbow back, connecting with Diablo's face, and switches positions. From there he thrusts Diablo forward, into the ropes, and charges at him with a lariat to the back -- but Diablo ducks it, Priest going right past him and hitting the ropes. He rebounds backward -- RIGHT into the waiting arms of Diablo!]
Brigham Smith: Diablo has him! He goes for--
[~WHAAAMM!~]
Seth Maverick: DAMN!
Brigham Smith: GERMAN SUPLEX BY DIABLO! Priest driven RIGHT on his neck! And Diablo rolls through it! Still holding onto Priest, he lifts him up sidewaaaays-- OOHH!! BACKBREAKER ACROSS THE KNEE!! Solomon Priest down on the canvas, holding his lower back in EXCRUCIATING pain! Diablo pushes him down with a boot to the face, and drops for the cover!
1...
2--
Brigham Smith: Priest with a kickout!
Seth Maverick: Yeesh... these moves take on a whole new magnitude when it's people the size of fucking dinosaurs executing them.
Brigham Smith: No kidding there!
[Diablo hauls Priest back to his feet, shoots him to the ropes. On the rebound, Diablo scoops Solomon up into a tilt-a-whirl... but he doesn't quite get to the *slam*, as Priest slips out the back way, clutching Diablo's head in an inverted facelock. Grabbing him by the waistband, Priest growls with effort and lifts him backward...]
[~WHAAAAMM!~]
[--only to PLANT him head-first with a SICK reverse brainbuster!]
Seth Maverick: HA! AHAHAHAHA!
Brigham Smith: FOR PETE'S SAKE THAT WAS BRUTAL! Diablo taken RIGHT over with that move! And Priest now rolling him onto his back to make the cover!
1...
2...
Brigham Smith: Kickout by Diablo! How did he not get his neck broken?
Seth Maverick: Three words, kid: Bov--
Brigham Smith: Okay, I get it.
[Not wasting time, Priest hauls Diablo upright again and shoots him into a neutral corner. Building up a head of steam, Priest charges in -- and CRUSHES him against the turnbuckles with a 430 pound avalanche! Turning, he takes the gasping Diablo in a side headlock, runs a few steps for a bulldog attempt -- but Diablo shoves him away. Priest skids to a halt, whirls around to face his opponent again -- and gets MOWED FLAT!]
Brigham Smith: CLOTHESLINE FROM HELL! Solomon Priest has been CHOPPED DOWN by that INCREDIBLE attack by Diablo! Diablo now stalking nearby, gesturing impatiently for the other man to get up... and Priest does, albeit with a look of mild disorientation after getting his head bounced off the canvas! But as soon as he sees Diablo, he charges! Wait! Diablo boosts him up--
[~"I AM SO NOT SEEING THIS" ROAR!~]
Brigham Smith: DIABLO WITH A--
Seth Maverick: --MOTHERFUCKING GORILLA PRESS!
Brigham Smith: That is FOUR HUNDRED AND THIRTY POUNDS he's holding over his head, ladies and gentlemen! And the SNEER on his face -- as if the sheer power he's demonstrating is nothing at all to him! --WAIT!
[Suddenly, Jonny Catchphrase darts into the ring and NAILS a dropkick to the back of Diablo's knee -- making the big man's leg buckle and collapse under him, with all of Priest's weight crashing down on his chest!]
Brigham Smith: Jonny C makes the save for his partner in a big way!! Matt McClain bolts out of his corner and across the ring -- SPEARS Jonny into the ropes -- and THROUGH the ropes, both men tumbling to the outside!
Seth Maverick: Yeah, but Solomon's got the big shithead pinned!
Brigham Smith: Ash makes the count!
1...
2...
3--
Brigham Smith: NO! Diablo gets the shoulder up! I thought that was going to be it for him!
Seth Maverick: He's like a big... 400 pound... effin' cockroach.
Brigham Smith: That's for sure...
[Shaking his head in disbelief that Diablo still hasn't been put away, Solomon Priest again gets to his feet, hauling Diablo with him. He applies a front facelock -- but Diablo lashes out with a fist and--]
[~GROAN OF MASCULINE EMPATHY~]
[--punches him RIGHT in his supersized ballsack.]
Seth Maverick: Ohhh, dirty pool. If I didn't hate him so much, I'd approve.
Brigham Smith: The great equalizer, they call it, and that's even true of THESE guys! Priest folding RIGHT over from the blatant low blow... Ash the referee evidently having no problem with this--
[--In fact he's laughing his head off--]
Brigham Smith: --And Diablo now about to capitalize! He pulls Priest into a standing headscissors, grabs the waist and--
[~CRUUUUNCH!~]
Seth Maverick: JESUS CHRIST HE KILLED HIM!
Brigham Smith: PILEDRIVER BY DIABLO! HE MAY WELL HAVE KILLED HIM!! Diablo makes the cover!!
1!
2!
3--
Brigham Smith: NO! Priest gets the shoulder up! I don't know how he did it, but he did! And Diablo is having trouble believing it, too!
[Disbelief or not, the look of pain and intensity on Diablo's face is STUNNING. He stands up, glares down at Priest's agonized form, and slowly drags his thumb across his throat.]
Brigham Smith: Uh oh... Diablo is saying this is about to be all over! He grabs Priest -- bodily hauls him to his feet -- goes behind... Oh man! Lifts him up in the torture rack position!! HE'S GOING TO FINISH OFF SOLOMON PRIEST WITH THE KILLING FIELDS!! --NO! PRIEST SLIPS OFF BEHIND!
Seth Maverick: Good survival instincts there!
Brigham Smith: Diablo whips around -- only to get an elbow to the face by Priest! Priest takes him by the arm -- whips him to the far ropes!
Seth Maverick: Bling tag by McClain!
Brigham Smith: Diablo on the rebound -- OOOHHH!!
[~WHAAAMM!~]
Brigham Smith: COLOSSAL POWERSLAM BY PRIEST! Diablo may have had his back SHATTERED! And Priest now with the tag to Jonny Catchphrase! Catchphrase to the top -- LAUNCHES HIMSELF!
[~"HOLY HIGH SPOT BATMAN" POP!~]
Brigham Smith: THE SHOWSTOPPER! NO! DIABLO GETS THE KNEES UP!
[~"OH SHIT DID THAT GO WRONG" GROAN!~]
Brigham Smith: Catchphrase landed the shooting star press in the WORST possible way, right there! He's huddled up in the fetal position on the canvas! And Matt McClain, the legal man, charges in -- shoves Priest off the apron! And drops down onto Catchphrase--
[~FINISHER POP!~]
Brigham Smith: BREAKING POINT IS APPLIED ONCE MORE! McClain wrenching back on the neck for ALL he's worth! Catchphrase SCREAMING in pain as his hand wavers....... HE TAPS!!
[Ding, ding, ding!]
[~ENORMOUS FRIGGIN' ROAR!~]
Brigham Smith: It... is... OVER!
Seth Maverick: Goddamn. That was something else.
[In the ring, McClain lets go of the hold and gets to his feet, sweeping sweaty hair out of his face. Diablo does the same. Both men gaze out at the crowd going ballistic, and flash big, satisfied grins at their victory. Ash the Man-Soon doesn't even bother to try raising their hands; he just stands back, shaking his head.]
[Jonny C has rolled to the outside to join his partner Solomon Priest, holding his shoulder and neck painfully. Though they both look angry and disappointed by their loss, they make their way to the back without further incident.]
Misty Xiao: Aww... jeez. [Sighs] Well, guess that's it. Ladies and gentlemen... the winners of the Syndicate of EVIL's tag team tournament... and the team who will go on to the Prize Fight... MATT McCLAIN and that big jerk DIABLO... THE NIGHTMARES!!
[Another huge ovation, laced with some boos, rises from the crowd. McClain and Diablo peer out to the broadcast table with smug grins and make "belt" motions around their waists.]
Brigham Smith: Looks like we have our opponents for tonight, Seth. Shall we get prepared?
Seth Maverick: Try and stop me.
Brigham Smith: Right! Folks, we'll take a quick break. When we return, we'll present our MAIN EVENT!

"Miami..."
{Image: An aerial view of Miami Beach, scattered with sunbathers in colorful swimsuits; white surf lapping at the shore; the ocean sparkling beneath a clear blue sky.}
"Bermuda..."
{Image: A long beach studded with rocks thrusting up from the sand; groves of palm trees bending slightly in a breeze; swimmers cavorting in the fresh blue water of the Sound.}
"Hawaii..."
{Image: A wide view of Waikiki Beach, busy with tanned bodies; a semi-circle of tall palms sprouting from the sand; the white resort hotels and edifices of Honolulu rising up in the background.}
"You think that's paradise? Well, those hellholes look like oozing pustules on Joey Average's backside compared to the ultimate tourist destination..."
THE INDEPENDENT NATION OF DOOMSHAKALAKA!
{Image: The SoE's aircraft carrier in all its colossal grey-hulled glory, cutting through the ocean waves and sending up majestic bursts of spray.}
"This is not some lousy island with a bunch of limp-limbed trees and a great bloody volcano poking out of it. Doomshakalaka is a fully mobile, completely self-contained sovereign nation! And it never gets old, because it's never in the same place twice!"
{Images: The carrier cruising in the foreground of such exotic locales as the Nile, Tokyo Bay, and Galveston Island off the Texas coast.}
"What sort of amenities do we have? Good grief, people, we have it all! First class accommodations for any price range..."
{Shots of:}
{The crew's quarters, packed tight with metal bunk beds stacked three high, the spaces between crammed with leering sailors.}
{A lavish living chamber with plush carpeting, expensive furniture, a massive four-poster bed, and an imposing portrait of Mr. PB on the wall.}
{A smaller room with a multitude of mirrors on the walls, featuring a king-sized bed with a red velour cover. Ash the Man-Soon is sprawled across it in a seductive pose, wearing only a cowboy hat, his gunbelt, and a cow-spotted thong... and a toothy grin.}
"...Five-star dining establishments manned by an elite kitchen staff who live only to serve..."
{Image: One of the ship's galleys, where dozens of wretched cooks in smocks are bent over steaming pots and pans while a hooded taskmaster cracks a whip over their heads.}
"...And an unlimited range of entertainment options!"
{Shots of:}
{A game room teeming with rowdy sailors watching TV, playing cards, shooting pool, scuffling over video games. Seth Maverick is passed out on one of the card tables.}
{A crowd of people sitting on the flight deck at night, watching a movie playing on a tall projection screen.}
{Brigham Smith and Misty Xiao in-line skating on the deck under a brilliant sun.}
{Ash the Man-Soon on hands and knees on his bed, blowing a kiss.}
"So if you want a vacation full of breathtaking scenery--"
{Shots of:}
{A dazzling sunset over the Gulf of Mexico.}
{Colorful sailboats drifting alongside a craggy cliff topped with bright green foliage, seagulls circling in the air.}
{On the flight deck, the tanned, shining figures of boyishly handsome Brigham and angelic, radiant Misty sunning themselves in deck chairs. In the background, Seth is passed out face-down on the tarmac with a bottle in his hand. Farther in the background, Ash is spying on Misty through a telephoto lens.}
"--And unforgettable adventure--"
{Shots of:}
{A fighter plane landing on the carrier.}
{The Skipper fishing off the side of a lowered elevator platform. Seth sits beside him, smoking and drinking.}
{Sailors lined up at the edge of the flight deck, firing automatic rifles down at a flotilla of Triad fishing boats surrounding the carrier. The Triads are returning fire with machine guns and whatever else is at hand. One sailor is in the process of falling down with a harpoon through his chest.}
{Ash kneeling up on his velour bed cover, winking smarmily as he undoes his gunbelt.}
"--Then visit the Independent Nation of Doomshakalaka! You'll be glad you passed up those other cesspools of tourist mediocrity!"
DOOMSHAKALAKA -- YOUR EVIL ALTERNATIVE!
MWAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

[-PRIZE FIGHT: #1 CONTENDERSHIP MATCH-]
Matt McClain & Diablo
-vs.-
The Unstoppable, Unbeatable, Invincible Tag Team Gods:
MANIFEST DESTINY!

Misty Xiao: Ladies and gentlemen, coming up next is our MAIN EVENT! But before we begin, please put your hands together for our VERY SPECIAL ANNOUNCE TEAM!
[Suddenly...]
[Every light in the overhead rigging extinguishes at once, plunging the flight deck into darkness. An instant murmur of excitement rises from the crowd.]
[Then...]
#Here we are
Born to be kings
We're the princes of the universe...#
[Another reaction from the fans -- this time a mix of positive and negative -- as the loudspeakers blast the opening vocals to Queen's "Princes of the Universe".]
#Here we belong
Fighting to survive
In the war with the darkest power...
YEAH!#
[Just as the heavy electric guitars cut in, the entranceway *explodes* with brilliant pyro in a rainbow of colors, jetting out around the opening in a half-starburst pattern. And on the DoomTron, three detestable words begin to strobe:]
SYNDICATE
OF
EVIL

[At this, the boos are positively *deafening*.]
[The lights fade up again, allowing a clear view of the stage as two highly recognizable figures emerge from that semi-circle of pyro. The first is none other than the master of ceremonies himself -- Mr. PB -- dressed as always in his garish purple suit and paper bag mask. He strides out onto the platform at a leisurely pace, his hands clasped behind his back, looking to and fro with the air of a ruler surveying his land.]
[Just beside him is his second-in-command: large and stocky, dressed in a crisp white ship captain's uniform. This could *only* be the Skipper. Standing at his leader's right side, he scans the howling crowd with a stoic expression.]
[PB acknowledges the loud greeting of the fans with a nod of the head. Then the diabolical duo stride down the ramp toward the ring, regally ignoring the reaching, outstretched hands of the aisleside fans. Entering the ring area, PB and Skipper make their way around to the vacated broadcast table and seat themselves. Skipper removes his captain's hat to put on his headset; PB gingerly places his own headset over his paper bag.]
Skipper: Well, sir, this should be quite interesting.
PB: Oh, "interesting" doesn't even BEGIN to describe what THIS will be, Skip.
Skipper: Heh. Right you are, sir.
[In the ring...]
Misty Xiao: Okay! Finally! HERE is the match we've ALL been waiting for! This... is the PRIZE FIGHT!
[~RAAAAAAAAAHH!~]
Misty Xiao: The winner of this match will receive a shot at the WWA World Tag Team Championships at SUMMER GAMES 5! Let's not wait ANY longer, huh? Let's bring out our teams!
[Another DEAFENING ovation, and...]
[The lights in the overhead rigging shut down, as bright flashes start to burst through out, acting as it were streaks of lighting. Soon, the sound of waves crashing along with the sound of thunder and howling winds fill the air. They are soon joined by the shrill of sirens echoing across the flight deck. Without warning, multi-colored lights start exploding from the rigging. Within a matter of seconds a massive explosion rips through out the entranceway leaving most of the fans breathless as a wall of fire reaches out to touch the sky. As the smoke and fire start to clear out, the fans can see that McClain's DoomTron video has come to life as his theme, a remix of One Step Closer, performed by Linkin Park, starts to rip though out the PA system.]
[He soon steps into the entranceway looking around the arena as a grin plays across his lips. As soon as the fans see him, they start to boo very loudly! He raises both arms high into the air as the crowd roars with disapproval!]
Misty Xiao: Introducing first! He is one half of The Nightmares... "THE CRIPPLER" MATT McCLAIN!
[McClain makes the slow walk to the ring, and then slides in. He stretches his arms out high in the air as flash bulbs all over the stands pop with a bright white light. The lights start to come back up as he moves to stand in his corner, intently staring across at his opponents.]
Misty Xiao: And his partner who FEARS us...
[The lights cut out from the overhead rigging and come back up in dark blues, as the introduction to "Immortal" by Adema starts to play over the PA system.]
LET'S FIGHT!!!!
[A massive figure is seen at the entryway, a figure belonging only to The Immortal One himself. Diablo faces forward, his ice-cold blue eyes staring straight ahead.]
Misty Xiao: ...He is "THE IMMORTAL ONE" -- except when he fights the SoE -- DIABLO!
[Diablo walks down the aisle, the flames dying down as he passes them. Diablo approaches the ring, and steps up onto the mat. He steps over the top rope and enters the ring. He climbs up on the first turnbuckle to look upon the crowd, who boo him mostly, but some cheer as well. Diablo has a look of absolute confidence upon his face.]
[Diablo descends from the turnbuckle, and he approaches the center of the ring, giving a dirty look to Ash the Man-Soon, and cracking a smug grin at Misty Xiao, who glares and shakes her fist angrily. The music fades, and the lights turn back on to normal.]
Skipper: It has to be said, McClain and Diablo had to get through one gigantic challenge to get here. Jonny Catchphrase and Solomon Priest were definitely an imposing duo.
PB: Yes, yes, I'm sure we QUITE care about those sods now that they've joined the six OTHER losers who didn't win my tournament. Please, tell me more about the teams that lost, as it's so VERY relevant here, hmm?
Skipper: Er... right. Sorry. At any rate, sir, the Nightmares probably won't be anywhere close to fresh coming into this match, considering they've only had a few minutes to rest.
PB: Indeed! Odd how THAT came to be, eh? Why, you'd almost think it was PLANNED or something... Mwahahaha.
Skipper: Only a devious mind could have conceived it, sir.
PB: Too right.
[Keeping a judicious distance from McClain and Diablo, Misty continues...]
Misty Xiao: And their opponents!
[The hard, opening electric riffs from Blush's "Word From The Wise" blare across the flight deck...]
[On the DoomTron appears a vast mountainous landscape. The view sweeps at enormous speed across rocky steppes, river valleys, and sheer cliffs, approaching a flat peak. Two figures, tiny at a distance but growing larger as the shot zooms in, stand with arms folded, surveying the world around them with the imperious air of conquerors.]
[Two words strobe over this image:]
MANIFEST DESTINY
[Blue and white pyro explodes from the stage, and those same two figures stride out onto the ramp: Seth Maverick and "The Stormin' Mormon" Brigham Smith. Almost immediately, the fans are booing them relentlessly, while the Doomshakalaka denizens in the crowd hoot and cheer wildly.]
[Maverick is tall and muscular, sporting a head of messy, shoulder-length black hair and an unshaven face. He wears black khaki pants with "MAVERICK" down the left leg in silver letters, black boots, and white tape on his fists. Smith -- smaller but lithe in appearance -- is clad in short blue-and-white tights, white pads and boots. He also wears a hooded vest that is blue in front, white in back with the initials "TSM" written in blue; the hood is pulled over his short unkempt brown hair. Tucked under his arm is a leather-bound edition of the Book of Mormon. Together, the duo strides down the ramp.]
Misty Xiao: Now coming to the ring! At a combined weight of 485 pounds... They represent the Syndicate of EVIL -- GO US! YAY! Please welcome my boys, the team that's gonna blow the Nightmares clear out to sea! Seth Maverick and "The Stormin' Mormon" Brigham Smith -- MANIFEST DESTINY!
[Amid loud jeering and cheering, Smith and Maverick enter the ringside area and slide in under the bottom rope. Seth goes to his team's corner and leans listlessly against the turnbuckles, directing an irritable glare across the ring to his opponents. Meanwhile, Brigham takes a moment to shed his hooded vest, leaving that and his Book of Mormon on the apron. Then he rises and bounces on the balls of his feet, limbering up.]
[The ring announcer grins and waves exuberantly at "her boys". Brigham waves back; Seth remains impassive. Then a thought seems to strike her.]
Misty Xiao: Oh yeah! Mr. PB wanted to remind you that tonight's main event will be wrestled under "Anything Goes" rules! So remember... ANYTHING GOES!
[Abruptly Seth and Brigham bolt out of their corner, crash into the Nightmares, and nail both in the face with closed fists. The heads of McClain and Diablo snap back, and they totter backward into the ropes dazedly as if they've just had their bells rung.]
[Speaking of which:]
[Ding, ding, ding!]
Skipper: Quite the right hands on our team, huh?
PB: Oh yes, Skip. Mr. Smith and Mr. Maverick came to this match prepared.
[A cameraman on the apron gets a close-up shot of Seth and Brigham's hands. Both are sporting shiny brass knuckles.]
Skipper: I see what you mean, sir!
[Having stunned their opponents, Manifest Destiny crowd them in the ropes, continue to smash them in the face with the knucks, and then work over other tender body parts -- the ribs, the stomach, the kidneys. McClain and Diablo's faces are twisted masks of agony as they try, but fail, to cover up against the foreign object-aided assault. Bruises and welts are already becoming visible on their skin.]
[And the crowd just BOOING MERCILESSLY at this rampant cheating. Ash the Man-Soon looks out at the fans and shrugs his shoulders innocently.]
Skipper: These tactics are certainly not popular.
PB: Who gives a lick? This falls well within the purview of "Anything Goes", does it not?
Skipper: You're right as always, sir.
[Another shot by Maverick sends Diablo flopping face-forward into the corner. Meanwhile, Smith has the semi-conscious McClain by the head and is leading him away from the side of the ring. He takes him by the arm, whips him into the far corner -- where McClain SLAMS back-first into the turnbuckles with a shuddering impact. At a signal from Smith, Maverick charges headlong into the corner -- DRIVING his shoulder into the midsection of Matt McClain. Before McClain can even fold over, Maverick takes him by the arm and whips him back toward the ropes at full force--]
[~SMACK!~]
[--RIGHT into a Yakuza kick by Brigham Smith, snapping his head back whiplash-fashion.]
Skipper: Ouch! McClain might need a neckbrace after that one!
PB: Then I hope he brought his own, because I'll not be covering his medical expenses.
[With McClain flattened, Smith goes over to Diablo and pulls him out of the corner. He takes the giant by the arm, digs in his heels, and whips him with all his might cross-corner--]
[~WHAAAM!~]
[--only to be SPEARED halfway by the bull-charging Seth Maverick! All 400-plus pounds of "The Immortal One" go down in a heap, Seth dropping to hands and knees and shaking his head a little after the massive impact it took to take Diablo down.]
PB: Ha! I LOVE watching a well-coordinated team functioning at capacity.
Skipper: Seth and Brigham are definitely making this match their own, sir.
[As Maverick gets back to his feet, he and Smith look down at the fallen forms of the Nightmares, smirking with satisfaction. Then both gaze out at the crowd and raise their arms in the air triumphantly. Which elicits a RESOUNDING chorus of boos from the thousands of fans in attendance.]
Skipper: Whew. Listen to that, sir.
PB: Bah! People always resent the wildly successful, Skip. Makes them feel not so much like the pitiful underachievers they are. But deep inside, they WISH they could be like our Mr. Smith and Mr. Maverick. Or, of course, like yours truly.
Skipper: It's the unattainable dream, sir.
[As the boos continue to wash down on Manifest Destiny, Ash the Man-Soon strolls over and gestures down at the Nightmares, reminding his colleagues to go for the pin. Seth glances over at Brigham, waving a hand invitingly; but Brigham shakes his head, and graciously offers to let Seth make the cover. Shrugging, Seth treads across the ring and places a foot on Diablo's chest. Immediately, Ash drops down and makes the count!]
Skipper: This could be it, sir!
PB: [Smug] I could have told you that MINUTES ago.
1!
2!
[But just before Ash's hand comes down the third time, Diablo suddenly twitches over, snaking a big hand up through Seth's legs, and rolls Maverick down into a schoolboy, pulling hard on the back of the waistband!]
1!
2!
3!
[Ding, ding, ding!]
[~RAAAAAAAAAAHHH!~]
Skipper: NO!
PB: WHAT THE DEVIL JUST HAPPENED?!
[In the ring, Brigham Smith and Seth Maverick -- exploding out of the pinhold a second too late -- are just as shocked as their leader is. Even Ash the Man-Soon, who had evidently gone into autopilot when he counted the pin, sits up and stares blankly, mouth open, as if he's just realized what he did. Then he claps his hands to his face and groans.]
[And as for Diablo and McClain, they're staring at each other in disbelief. This is quickly giving way, however, to big victorious grins.]
PB: WE LOST? ...THEY *WON*?!
Skipper: [Stammering] I... I... uh...
PB: NOT ON MY SHIP, THEY DON'T!
[Scraping his chair back, PB grabs a wireless mic and climbs up onto the broadcast table. He thumps the mic a few times to get the crowd's -- and the wrestlers' -- attention, before raising it to his paper bag and screaming toward the ring.]
PB: Attention! This match is NOT over! It has conveniently slipped my mind that this bout will be fought under... erm... [Thinks feverishly] ...Ah yes! Under ELIMINATION RULES! Therefore, you must defeat BOTH members of the opposing team to win! Yes, that'll do nicely...
[The crowd is ready to riot. Matt McClain and Diablo lunge to the side of the ring and aim homicidal glares down at PB, bellowing in outrage. Relishing this reaction, PB shrugs his shoulders and calmly steps down from the table, taking his seat again.]
Skipper: Good cover, sir.
PB: You know me and my memory, Skip. Like a sieve.
Skipper: A man can't remember everything, after all.
[Ding, ding, ding!]
Skipper: So there's the bell to restart the match -- and Seth and Brigham have wasted NO time!
[Before Diablo and McClain can turn around, Manifest Destiny run up behind them and unceremoniously dump them over the top rope to the floor. Then they climb through the ropes and head to the outside, malice and intensity in their eyes.]
Skipper: This fight has just gone to the floor. Could get ugly from here.
PB: For these so-called Nightmares, I hope! Blasted sods think they can come aboard MY ship and ruin MY event?
Skipper: Definitely stepping over the line, sir.
[Intercepting the Nightmares before they can pick themselves up, Manifest Destiny are all over them. Smith grabs McClain by the neck and waistband, runs him along the ring and rams him into the steps with a BANG! At the same time, Maverick is leading Diablo by the head over to the barricade. There, he heaves Diablo off his feet... and--]
[~CRASH!~]
[--drops him throat-first on the steel rail.]
PB: Yes! Now THIS is how it should go!
Skipper: Indeed, but... er... as to these new elimination rules, shouldn't Seth have to return to the back now that he's been eliminated?
PB: [Shrugs] I suppose it's up to the referee to enforce or not...
Skipper: Good call, sir.
[Said referee is not even bothering to try to stop the ringside carnage; instead, Ash is leaning comfortably on the top rope and leering down at a gorgeous young brunette with a low-cut top in the front row. The young woman, noticing Ash's gaze, makes a face and says something to her female friend, who laughs into her hands. Unperturbed, Ash tips his hat at the two of them and offers a wide grin.]
[C'mon... with style like that, how can this guy NOT score? Don't answer that.]
[Meanwhile, Maverick is kicking and striking at Diablo against the barricade, ignoring the screaming of the fans and the hands reaching out to touch them. But abruptly Diablo lashes out, smacking Seth in the head with an elbow; Seth reels, and Diablo hits him with another, knocking him back a few steps. This gives Diablo a chance to regain his footing -- but Maverick charges at him again. Diablo lifts a knee into Seth's gut, stopping him... and then he grabs him by the hair--]
[~CRASH!~]
[--and SLAMS Seth face-first into the rail!]
Skipper: Ouch! My goodness!
PB: Damn it, Mr. Maverick, stop playing around!
[Around the other side of the ring, Brigham Smith is leading the groggy Matt McClain toward the barricade when he glances back and sees his partner go down. He gives McClain a kick against the guardrail, but then abandons the attack to dash around the ring and help Seth.]
Skipper: Not to worry, sir, Mr. Smith is on the move!
PB: Get him! Your paycheck depends on it!
[Diablo pulls Maverick off the guardrail and grips him by the hair, shouting furiously into his face. He whirls around to whip Seth into the ringpost -- but at that moment Brigham nails Diablo with a flying elbowsmash into the face, stunning him. Maverick takes full advantage of the moment of opportunity--]
[~GROOOOOOOAN!~]
[--to kick "The Immortal One" right in the family jewels!]
Skipper: The referee apparently has no problem with THAT approach!
PB: Nor do I, Skip. Nor do I.
[Seth and Brigham quickly put the doubled-over Diablo in a double front facelock and each grab a handful of the giant's wrestling tights.]
Skipper: Looks like a double-team suplex coming up-- NO! Diablo won't budge! But wait-- WHOA!
PB: That gargantuan sod!!
Skipper: Diablo lifts BOTH members of Manifest Destiny off their feet!!
[~SMACKSMACK!~]
[~"JEBUS THAT WAS SICK" ROAR!~]
Skipper: Two-for-one suplex on the floor! Even Ash had to pay attention to THAT!
PB: This is displeasing me, Skip...
[Seth and Brigham are both down, clutching at their backs in visible pain. Diablo starts to sit up, but the sting in his groin and in his neck make his movements slow and ginger. The three of them pick themselves up ponderously... and Brigham immediately goes for Diablo, only to be elbowed roughly away. But then Seth rushes in, grabs Diablo by the head, and thrusts him backward--]
[~CLONK!~]
[--RIGHT into the ringpost! Diablo immediately cries out and clutches at the back of his head, grimacing at the sudden, acute headache. Seth backs away, with Brigham nearby, and makes come-on gestures at the giant--]
[~"LOOK OUT BELOW" ROAR!~]
Skipper: McCLAIN DIVES THROUGH THE ROPES! THEY ALL GO DOWN!
PB: Where the HELL did he come from?!
[Instant replay: Just as Maverick backs away from Diablo, McClain -- on the other side of the ring -- slides IN... dashes at speed THROUGH... and then hurls himself OUT of the ring and wipes out BOTH members of Manifest Destiny with a tope suicida!]
Skipper: That man moves like the wind, sir! With practically... hurricane-like speed!
PB: Ah yes, VERY clever reference to his former moniker, Skip. Perhaps you'd now like to comment on how he might have "crippled" Mr. Smith and Mr. Maverick?
Skipper: That would be straining an already weak joke beyond its humorous potential, sir.
PB: Bah!
[To say that the scene at ringside resembles a car wreck is somewhat inaccurate. What it resembles is a car wreck with the mangled vehicles and debris removed, leaving just the heaped and battered bodies. Which is still pretty bad. But there's movement down there -- the four men starting to crawl painfully toward the ring and pull themselves up onto the apron.]
Skipper: I don't know if even five minutes of this match was spent in the ring so far, but it looks like they're finally heading back in.
PB: Well, I mean, it's there for a REASON, isn't it? Might as well put it to use, hmm?
Skipper: Indeed, sir. But our team is looking to be in less than top form after that ringside skirmish... although the Nightmares are certainly not looking too spry themselves.
PB: Not to worry, I'm sure they'll look positively CORPSE-like in a minute. The Syndicate of EVIL ALWAYS prevails! Mwahahahaha!
Skipper: Of course we do, sir.
[And to ensure that this is the case, Skipper turns and beckons over to where Misty Xiao is sitting. She nods at him, gets up, and folds up her chair. Then she hurries over to the ring -- where Manifest Destiny and the Nightmares are starting to get to their feet -- and slides the metal chair across the ring toward Seth Maverick. He reaches for it--]
[--But doesn't get it. Because Diablo shoulders him out of the way and grabs it first!]
Skipper: ...Uh oh.
PB: ...Blast it.
[Throwing a smirk in the direction of the horrified Misty, Diablo wields the chair, whirls around, takes aim at Seth Maverick's head, and swings for the effin' bleachers--]
[~WHIFF~]
[--but JUST missing as Seth ducks out of the way! Diablo turns to take another crack at it but--]
[~CRACK!~]
[~"HE'S GONNA NEED PLASTIC SURGERY" ROAR!~]
[--a SUPERKICK by Brigham Smith knocks the chair up into Diablo's face!]
PB: YES!
Skipper: NICELY done!
[The giant reels drunkenly, and Seth takes the opportunity to snatch the chair away from him. He brandishes the newly-acquired weapon as he prepares to swing but--]
[~CRACK!~]
[~"TURNABOUT'S A BITCH" CHEER!~]
[--gets a SUPERKICK to-the-chair-to-the-face of his own, courtesy of one Matt McClain! The shot sends him staggering back into the ropes -- where he trips and tumbles right out of the ring, chair and all!]
PB: NO!
Skipper: This is NOT good!
[Brigham darts to the side of the ring and looks down at his fallen partner with concern. Then, a frown forming on his face, he whirls around--]
[~"YOU GOT SERVED" ROAR!~]
Skipper: CAUGHT BY DIABLO! Throws him UP into a flapjack and--
[~WHAAAAMMM!~]
[~"YOU GOT OWNED" MUDDAFUDGIN' CHEER!~]
Skipper: 'SWEET DREAMS' DELIVERED BY MATT McCLAIN!! WHAT AN IMPACT!! McCLAIN MAKES THE COVER ON BRIGHAM!!
PB: GET UP, SMITH!! THAT IS AN ORDER!!
[Ash the Man-Soon hesitates to drop to make the count, but an utterly MURDEROUS look on the face of Diablo convinces him to cut the hesitation short. Wearing a stricken expression, Ash raises his hand and smacks the canvas--]
1!

2!!

[Ash's hand pauses in the air. He looks like he's going to cry. Diablo and McClain scream furiously at him. Ash closes his eyes and grits his teeth.]

...3!!!
[Ding, ding, ding!]
[And if there had been a roof over the aircraft carrier, it would have just BLOWN OFF.]
[~RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!!!!~]
Skipper: No! NO! This isn't possible! Uh... SIR! Isn't there another stipulation you forgot to mention?! Sir?!
[But there's no response from the SoE leader. PB has taken off his headset and is hunched over the table with his face in his hands.]
[Up in the ring, Diablo and McClain stride over to opposite corners of the ring and throw their fists in the air, amid a LOUD and ongoing ovation that shows no sign of stopping. The Nightmares tip their heads back and add to the noise with triumphant war cries.]
[Standing out on the floor, Seth Maverick has a hand on the shoulder of the still-groggy Brigham Smith. Both men are peering up (in Seth's case, GLARING up) at Ash the Man-Soon, who can only shake his head and hunch his shoulders helplessly.]
Skipper: [Heavy sigh] This is a... a dark day for us all, fans. I don't know what else to say. I guess we'd better get the official decision from our ring announcer.
[He looks over at Misty Xiao, who is standing by the timekeeper's booth with a miserable look on her face. She catches Skipper's glance, and moans plaintively.]
Misty Xiao: Do I HAVE to?
[Skipper nods. Misty stomps her foot, but finally acquiesces.]
Misty Xiao: Oh, FINE! [Raises her mic] Ladies and gentlemen, the winner of this match, and the team that will get a shot at the WWA World Tag Team Titles at Summer Games 5... even though they SUCK and don't DESERVE it... THE NIGHTMARES!!
[Another raucous ovation, which makes each and every member of the Syndicate of EVIL cringe.]
Skipper: And there you have it... *sigh* ...So much for a sure thing.
[He shakes his head mournfully.]
Skipper: Well, folks, on behalf of my SoE colleagues and, of course, Mr. PB, I'd like to thank you all for joining us tonight. This is the Skipper saying: Good night! From the Independent Nation of Doomshakalaka!
PB: [Sobs]
[Cut to a dynamic helicopter view of the aircraft carrier floating in the dark, choppy waters of the Gulf of Mexico, its flight deck lit up with floodlights and positively undulating with the waving arms of the fans.]
[Credits roll.]
((-SoE Productions (c) 2004-))